My journey to homebirth
When I got pregnant with Ciaran, I had already been researching options for pregnancy care & birth. I knew I trusted my body to do what needed to be done; I wanted more personalized care than I'd ever gotten from a doctor; and I wasnt overly concerned about pharmaceutical methods of pain relief. I figured that if I could handle migraines without medication I could give birth! I also read abstracts & studies showing the effects those medications had on labor and that made up my mind to go unmedicated if at all possible. In order to increase my chances of having fewer interventions, I wanted a midwife rather than an OB. But my insurance only covered hospital births, there were no birth centers nearby, and homebirth seemed scary for our first experience. I started seeing a mixed CNM/OB practice, knowing we were soon moving to Montreal & that things would change anyway.
In Montreal, I knew that there were birth centers available but had read that they had long waiting lists and unless you called them immediately upon getting pregnant that it was nearly impossible to get into them. I got recommendations for a pro-unmedicated OB and a doula and planned on a hospital birth at a large teaching hospital in downtown. The OB seemed nice enough and had the right answers to my questions, but I was very nervous about the hospital, particularly after we had our u/s and saw it for the first time. It was obviously the victim of the worst parts of socialized medicine. We interviewed the doula we had recommended, and I discussed my fears of the "spiral of intervention" and my birth philosophy with her. She recommended that we check out the birth center, where she happened to be an assistant and knew that there were openings for that fall (due to changes in the maternity leave policies in Canada, many people were waiting a few months for planned pregnancies, so things were slower than usual). We arranged to go to an open house at the birth center.
It was immediately clear to us that this was the right way to go. Ed, who had been very nervous about the idea but was deferring to my judgement, was very impressed with the philosophy and general feeling of the midwives. I was 30 weeks pregnant but we switched that night.
Ciaran's birth was beautiful. I was allowed to labor in the water, encouraged to change positions, offered water, and cared for lovingly by my midwife Marie. She reassured me when I hurt and let me take the time I needed to push him out. It was completely intervention-free, and afterwards the aide natale brought us a plate with fruit and nuts and crackers and cups of tea. After 8 hours we were home in our own space with our son. It was exactly what I had wanted.
When the time came again to think about pregnancy care, I knew I wanted to try homebirth. The birth center was great, but driving somewhere seemed pointless when we could have everything we had there at home, and get tucked into our own bed afterwards. The homebirth stories I had read were wonderful, filled with a joy and sense of peace even birth center stories did not have. I had confidence that I could go unmedicated; my chances of having difficulties were less since I had had such a successful birth the first time around. Ed was nervous and concerned about the mess. I found a midwifery practice that did both birth center and home birth, only 10 minutes away. It was perfect -- we knew we wanted midwives again, they were so close, and we could choose even at the time of labor where we wanted to birth.
When we had a possible water-breaking scare at 35 weeks, Valerie came to our house at midnight to check me. She spent time talking to us about our options and about our feelings about having to go to the hospital and possibly having a premature baby. She offered repeatedly to come with us if we wanted her to. And the experience of being channeled into the hospital routine immediately highlighted how different our philosophy was. Happily, we were sent home with nothing apparently amiss; but I had a new confidence that the way we had chosen was the right one for us.
As it turned out, homebirth was a wiser decision than we knew, since Willow came so quickly (though we did miss our chance to be on the evening news for birthing on the side of the road!). But even had that not been the case, there was something absolutely magical about laboring in my own space, knowing I wouldn't have to leave it... about sitting in my own chair eating my own cheesecake afterwards... about my baby knowing only her home for the first few days of her life. No strange hands touched her, only the loving hands of friends, for after so many visits with my midwife and her assistant they surely were that. I was able to birth in the water, and lift her up from the water with my own hands.
In the end, while it was the empirical evidence that convinced me to pursue it, it was the emotional aspect that made me thankful we had done so. I felt nurtured and nourished throughout my pregnancy; I had control over all aspects of my experience that can possibly be controlled; and I knew that my baby had not been exposed to drugs or germs or practices that could harm her. It was as I believe nature intended birth to be... a natural part of my family life, a spiritual experience with Ed and Willow and I as the focus. It was ecstatic.
Logistical planning for homebirth